as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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