Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
