They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
