if you like me you must not know who I am
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
