Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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