Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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