i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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