no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize