i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
