I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
