i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
