we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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