Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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