the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
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They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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