I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
