yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize