I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I understand Curling. That high.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
