It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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