meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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