It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
