so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
