I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
