Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
