I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Randomize
