He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
