I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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