3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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