just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
