i love accidental penises.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
