I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
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Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
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No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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