U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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