oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
