Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
