i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
