I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
