dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
