If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
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