he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
