God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
