I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
