Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she looked like the before picture.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
