If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize