how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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