dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
