I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
True strength comes from lack of pants
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
