You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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