we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
