the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
