Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Liz is crying about burritos again.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
