is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
