I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
