she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
