i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
