epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
