hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
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you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
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I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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