Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My feet surprised me
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