I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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