Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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