I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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