Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
