Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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