Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
