Umm I'm too high to move.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Barsexuality is the new black.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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